Medication is not weakness: My medication journey



            "There's no right or wrong way to manage your mental illness. You are not less of a person for needing medication or having to go to therapy multiple times a week. If something helps your mental health, take the time to do it, don't stop, no matter what other people think." Hayley Lyvers 

 It may seem that being medicated means that you're weak because you cannot cope. Whilst this can still be true, you cannot cope so you are medicated, it doesn't mean you're weak. It's understandable why many of us feel weak because we are having to use drugs to aid us in life, but it's not true. We take medication to enable us to get through life, to get through the day like someone without mental health and that is absolutely fine. 

 I have often struggled with the stigma of mental health medication and have found it a personal battle to get over the fact that I am medicated. I have been through extremely high doses for my age to lower dosages to just 'take the edge off'. When I was first diagnosed I was put on Pregabalin which is used for neuropathic pain which also works for anxiety and quetiapine as a mood stabiliser. At first, they made me incredibly monged out and drowsy and I found it difficult to concentrate and gain touch with the "real world". This got progressively worse and I ended up changing quetiapine for aripiprazole which lessened the drowsiness. 

 Every time I got worse I would blame the medication wearing off in my system and therefore the dosage would be increased until I was on a high dosage of each. I stopped taking the aripiprazole under my own supervision as I found that my moods were not fluctuating anymore. Looking back, I can see that I was wrong to assume this and shouldn't have come off them. 

 I started to feel so much better around November 2015 and took the decision to come off all medication. This was such a bad idea and my mental health plummeted over the space of 6 months. It was only when things got really tough and I harmed myself badly that I decided to get help. I remember sitting in my doctor's surgery just begging for medication. I was then put on sertraline for depression. 

 I started to feel that the sertraline was wearing off and so went back a couple of times and each time the doctor would increase my dosage, but I felt it wasn't working. It dealt with my feelings of being low but did nothing for the other end of the spectrum or the difficult spiral down from high to low. After complaining many times, I was put on all different medication that really MESSED with my head. Also at this time, I was dealing with break-ups, abusive boyfriends and settling in with new friends and a new year at university. I drunk so much and started to become super destructive. What didn't help was wrong medication. 

 I harmed myself seriously again and this time got the intervention I needed and the councillor took time in helping me and discussing medication changes. I am now under the NHS and have the right medication to suit me. I may need to increase my dosage again in time, but right now I am level and I am at ease. 

 Although it is to be remembered that we are all over medicating ourselves with medication such as cold syrup or paracetamol, sometimes medication is essential for everyday life. Mental health medication cannot be replaced with a herbal remedy although it can be tackled with therapy and other methods. I feel that in young people mental health medication should be a last resort and not just thrown at them as an easy fix. Mental health medication has some serious side effects including the ability to make the person feel suicidal and worse, as well as gain sufficient amounts of weight and can make the person lose concentration and sense of self. There is also the factor of getting prescribed the wrong medication for that person. I found this was the case when the medication was prescribed by someone not suited for that field. This can also contribute to a person feeling worse. 

 Personally, I cannot live every day without the correct medication. Medication doesn't mean weakness. Medication is there to help you through the bad times and the good times. I wouldn't be here or the person I am today if I didn't take a pill every day. I speak to people who have the ability to stop their mental health medication and I envy them, I would love not to rely on medication. But, I know that I cannot cope without it. I'm not weak, I'm stable. 
To find out more about mental health medication or what you can do if you are struggling, I have included links below: 

 NHS Choices 
Mind
Samaritans

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