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2017: Rambles about my shit year at the start of February in the NEXT year when I am supposed to be doing University work

Last fucking year. Arguably the worst year of my life that contained loss, hurt, heartbreak. In the bleakest of times I wasn’t sure that I would see 2018. From ambulances to hospital admissions, I made it to 2018, a stronger, more well-rounded person than I was before. Am I full okay? Nope, but my fuck am I better than last year. IM WRITING THIS 2 MONTHS AFTER THE BEGINNING OF 2018  because university has filled up all my time and I needed time to reflect on last year. I found last year incredibly hard for several reasons including losing a man so dear to me to cancer, breaking up from a long-term relationship, the loss of a family friend and news of family members becoming unwell. It was a year I felt completely numb and started to really distance myself from who I really was and didn’t become the nicest person. I also found it so difficult to express my emotions and tackle the ones I was fighting. The feeling of numbness was the worst last year than I can remember ev...
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Scars

“ Other times, I look at my scars and see something else: a girl who was trying to cope with something horrible that she should never have had to live through at all. My scars show pain and suffering, but they also show my will to survive. They're part of my history that'll always be there.”  ―  Cheryl Rainfield ,  Scars Something that is seriously not discussed enough, something that people fear. We’ve all done it, the girl in the shop, the boy on the bus, those little white lines that litter their arms and body, we look, we even stare. People who are trying so desperately to hide them with arm bands, bandages, plasters. And then people who embrace them, people who aren’t afraid to show what they’ve been through. It is one of the scariest things to do, opening up to people and showing people what you’ve been through. When people look down at your arms or see your legs or your torso and they stop for a second and process what they’re seeing. Sometimes you see sh...
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Anxiety is hell.

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”  Corrie ten Boom The title of this blog really sums up anxiety, it’s the ultimate hell. No matter how hard you try and turn it off, at times it just doesn’t go away, it just lingers. Out of all my mental health, anxiety is the one I struggle the most with. It’s present every day in my life. Sometimes, it’s not that bad, but it can be crippling.   You can research the both the physical and psychological symptoms of anxiety, but unless you research into blogs, no one really tells you what it’s like day in, day out. I find my physical symptoms are raised temperature, increased and irregular heartbeat, anxiety belly (the feeling of emptiness in my stomach made worse by the feeling of butterflies), hot flushes and at times panic attacks. This often leads to diff...
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